“Strike thee,” called out the umpire, jerking his hand up, and with that the star player for the San Diego Padres was out, done, over. The hope for runs was flew up into the lights like a mist — there and gone in the cool San Diego evening air.

The San Diego fans went totally loud with booing, yelling, grieving,  resisting. It was wild and western, and I was glad to be at the ball park to see the fun.

Andrian Gonzales turned to the ump, protested the call, got in his face, wouldn’t let it be. Buddy Black came to the plate. He joined Adrian against the ump.

The umpire threw Adrian out of the game. Then he threw Black out of the game.

The stadium went berserk; the crowd metamorphized into a huge, loud angry mass of protest. The ump was wrong. We were right. If he could have, the umpire probably would have thrown us out. We were also in his face to long. But play resumed shortly and we remained.

While the Padres were up, every ball got a cheer; every strike against one of the Padres got a boo. 

 The ump was right when he made calls for our team; he was wrong when he made a call against our team, even if it was right. It became semi-comical! The game took on a kind of silly, goofy feel, the ball and strike calls more the focus than the action of the players. It was like the game turned into a argument between the spectators and the umpire.

I kind of got into it. It was a new plot for the evening,  a baseball drama, and we, the crowd had now taken the field.  We had seen an injustice of a minor sort, and we were making our dissatisfaction known.

The game played out and ended. We had our say but it changed nothing. The umpire strolled off the field. I thought he looked a little lonely.

It was interesting, as I reflected on it later, how in the disagreement emotions seemed to have taken over the player, the manager, the umpire and the crowd.

Baseball, Chevrolet, apple pie and a rowel at the plate — it was about as American as you can get. We don’t see things the same here. We even love to disagree. And when we do, we do so as a stampeding herd with instinctive, stomping, running momentum. But the game ended, and we separated to our own homes to squabble with each other. 

The next time I went to a Padre game, we didn’t carry on where we left off. Were these different fan? Was this a different umpire? Who could tell, but what had been a big deal had been forgotten.

This all seems very familiar to me. I think I’ve seen this before, differences in perception, difference about “the call” that was made. I’ve seen this in my marriage, in my education, at my job, with my friends, in my church.

A few thoughts come to mind about the good old American past-time of not getting along. Despite the plays and calls that are made, the game goes on and so does the fun, except maybe for the umpires. But who knows, perhaps the umpire at my crazy game had fun too, not so much that night, but jawing about it later with his peers, reminiscing and saying, “I remember the night in San Diego when I thought …”  And the others nodding and laughing and throwing in, “You should have seen my night in ….” 

So what’s in this for us, say if we apply the whole event to life. Well, I think that people in power may tend to throw people under them out too easily when they disagree. It’s not so good. It can give the people watching an ulcer and rough up everyone’s psyches on a perfectly good evening.  On the other hand, I think we players should  try not to be so stupidly rude and stubborn when we disagree that we get thrown out. It’s boring to sit out a perfectly good game in the locker room.

And finally, if we look around with any degree of objectivity, we are likely to observe that our own emotional reactions of disagreement, and those of others, at the ball park or in the bedroom , are apt to be surprisingly comic, even sometimes ridiculous.

In conflict, I think we may need to do what doesn’t always come easy but would make things easier, that is to keep having fun and to keep laughing, especially at ourselves

Your brain is amazing! Although it weighs only about three pounds, it may well be the most complex structure in the universe. It’s been noted that there are as many neurons in your brain as there are stars in the Milky Way galaxy. You are a galaxy of brain activity. A typical neuron in your cortex receives input from some 10,000 other neurons.

As a baby you were able to process sounds spaced at a millisecond apart. You totally mastered a language with a vocabulary of 50,000 to 60,000 active words. Some of you learned several.

It has been estimated that you have from 25,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day. You are really busy, even just inside your head.

Busy at what? I’ve been watching your brain work. You think about what is going on around you. When TV or conversation or action engages your attention, then your mind is on that. You focus on what is right in front of you, on work, people, food. But when you are alone, even when you are with people, you sometimes seemed to fall into using your own personal galaxy to reflect, to interpret what is or what has been happening to you. At this point you rehearse the past or evaluate the moment and give your life meaning.

You use your amazing memory to replay trips, events, conversations and to stamp them with value.  And sometimes thinking about the past, launches  you into wondering about what’s ahead. You forecast and interpret the future based on the past, on past success, future danger, imagined solutions, growing problems.

The deal is, your brain jumps all over the place in a given day, moving around between the past, present and future.  Are you in control? Are you in control of your mental movements, of your focus, of your thoughts, of your 16,000 words a day? Let’s be honest. Sometimes you are and sometimes you aren’t.

Could you be more in control? A lot of experts now say you could. It’s a strong part of our human mindset. We tend to believe we can be in control of everything. And when we see that we aren’t, we tend to believe we can be if we just try harder.

You’ll find tons of support for this point of view. One school of such thinking is called cognitive therapy.  This way of thinking says that it is possible to control your mind. This approach encourages the exchange of negative thoughts for positive thoughts. There is something to this.

But not always. I’ve been watching you think, my friend, and I know that you aren’t always in control of your thoughts nor will you be nor can you be. Your mind is an ocean of activity. It will storm and it will calm, and you won’t always be in charge of that. Let’s have some humility here.

When life gets you, when you lose someone close, when you suffer things you don’t want, your mind will wander, and jump, and break away like wild horses. And then as time passes, and it tires of its flight, it will calm, and come again to you, returning home, returning to a safe place within you.  You will have positive thoughts, and you will have negative thoughts, but you won’t always be in control of your neurons. That flies in the face of what many people will tell you, what you may want to believe, but this, my friend, is true. We all fail when it comes to herding all the stars in the galaxy in perfect harmony.

That said, some control is possible, essential to good living.  You do have some control. It is good to have some control. I recommend you consider  using you mind, when you have control of it, like this:

Think about other people. This is one of the most extraordinary things you can do with your amazing brain. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” This isn’t natural. But this is supreme. The people who have lived best, and who have taken pain out of the world, put their incredible minds on others. Do so. You won’t regret this. The best use of a mind is to help someone else.

Use your brain to take action. Please don’t sit and think and reflect to such a degree that you become passive and fail to take needed action. Don’t over-think your life. Your amazing galaxy of neurons is built for doing. Activity increases brain function. I urge you, balance thinking with acting. 

Take time to reflect on your life. Acting without wise thinking can be tragic. Take time to think deeply. Think about life. Think about God. Consider your successes and what you have learned from them. When you are hurt and when you lose take time to grieve. Rehearse what you will say before you go into a difficult conversation. A return to positive thinking will take time. It won’t help to be dishonest about your thoughts and feelings. Sit and think. Be. Life isn’t just doing. Life is being, being an authentic mind.

Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune–without the words,
And never stops at all…

Emily Dickinson understood it,  hope, the feathered thing that sings on — most of the time.

When I woke up early this morning, reasons not hope came to mind — the news of the continuing BP Deep Horizon oil spill and other ugly bits and pieces of life like that, the disasters in some of  my friend’s lives, feathered things, flopping in the goo, sick or dying.  

Hope is challenged by the craziness out there, lives lost,  ocean creatures yet to perish, all that thick brown crude oil gushing into our clear, life-rich, beautiful, blue sea this morning and probably tomorrow morning too.

The brown oil swirled early today, a thick, gooey mess near the surface of my waking thoughts. But then, this morning, fortunately, sweet, brilliant Emily Dickinson also came to mind — and hope. I”ll put that in my head, all day, and not stop at all.

I say, hope on and sing on too.

Wipe off the ugly oil from your wings you fine feathered friends of mine and sing on. There is other news online today.

Sing on over the space shuttle Atlantis that landed safely this morning, having traveled over 120 million miles in its life.

Sing  on over Crystal Bowersox. A single mom with a fresh sound and a tune in her honest, open, loving heart didn’t win American Idol but she won the hearts of so many young Americans.

Sing on over hybrid automobiles and electric cars and natural gas-powered cars. A new era is coming when we will abandon the oil gulping, earth-trashing days of the past and take care to nurture the fragile earth we spin gentle on.

Sing on over new homes. Housing starts rose to an annual rate of 672000 in April, the fastest pace since October 2008.

Sing over recovery, success, change, newness. I know that this is not all there is in the news today.

But I say,  sing on my feathered friends and don’t stop at all.

 Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. 

 Pr. 13.12

 

I suspect that we quiet the voice.

We may even seize it, smother it, yank it out from under the pillow and beat it into silence.

A rather fascinating case study of this is professional cyclist Floyd Landis. Floyd won the 2006 Tour de France, but was shortly thereafter stripped of his Tour title for doping. He tested positive for synthetic testosterone after Stage 17. At that point he went into hyper-defensive mode, mounting a vigorous defense maintaining his innocence, even a 320 page book, Positively False: The Real Story of How I Won the Tour de France.

But recently, Floyd has dropped his long time protestations of innocence and confessed to doping throughout his career. He recently wrote up a series of e-mails to cycling officials and sponsors detailing his use of banned drugs.  He has broken the cycling code of silence on drugs, but he has broken more that that too.

It’s interesting, what we do with what we do wrong. Store it in a secret place, maintain our innocence, lead other people to believe our lie and profit from it.

There is a lot of indignation and anger now over Landis, and I understand this. He ripped us off, even taking a significant amount of money from donors supporting his quest to prove himself innocent. But really, few of us can honestly say we don’t understand how Floyd Landis could do this. It’s simple: profit motivates. Lies come easily to many people when there is a check and a place in history to gain.  

I don’t feel superior. None of us should.  I don’t have a big secret, most of us don’t. But which one of us hasn’t indulged in some behavior or thinking that didn’t meet the standard? And which of us has not been completely forthcoming so that we could preserve or gain something?

We tend to minimize our wrong doing, push off the uncomfortable feelings of guilt, talk over the voice of correction that seems to be so easily be bludgeoned and quieted into oblivion.

“I don’t feel guilty at all about having doped,” Landis told ESPN.com. “I did what I did because that’s what we [cyclists] did and it was a choice I had to make after 10 years or 12 years of hard work to get there; and that was a decision I had to make to make the next step. My choices were, do it and see if I can win, or don’t do it and I tell people I just don’t want to do that, and I decided to do it.”

Interesting.  People gave their money to support him. People cheered him on.  People invested time and money in his defense. People are hurt, and Floyd doesn’t feel, guilty.

But despite the blustering, the fumbling attempts at honesty, I bet that privately Landis has taken himself to task for all this. What a mess.  This has to be embarrassing, acutely agonizing for him at some level. He not only lost his Tour title, but also his marriage, his savings, and his credibility.

What’s at the bottom of this?

I have been thinking lately about how we avoid the voice, and the voices.  

That voice is the one that comes from within, from what we call our conscience. Most of us have been taught that honesty is best.  Landis was surely taught this in his Mennonite upbringing. Most of us believe that the sports playing field should not include banned performance enhancers.  And most of us hear a voice within when we lie or cheat that says, “This is not so good. This is wrong. This is something I should not do or that I should stop doing. “

Landis heard that voice of conscience, and he beat it down. “Others do it. You have to do it to win. I’m just leveling the playing field.”  He made wrong right in his mind.

Interesting. But conscience isn’t the only voice he ignored.

 There are two more.

The second voice Landis pushed away is the organized voice of the community. It is the voice of the race organizers, the voice that sets the rules and awards the winners and the voice of the spectators, cheering on the race. That voice said, “No,” ahead of time, no to banned substances, no to cheating and no to lying. Landis totally discounted that collective voice.

Therein lays the angry news reports and the public indignation. We said we didn’t want this in the sport, and he ignored that while pretending he didn’t.  What must Landis’s co-author of his book be thinking? All those interviews, all those hours of research, all that trust that Landis was telling the truth to the public – trashed by his eventual neck-wrenching flip-flop.

This kind of deafness to what others require, what they need and want, is abusive.

The last voice Floyd pushed aside, God’s. “Don’t lie,’ goes the ninth commandment. Faith and sport cross paths here. As God knew before cycling existed, lying is really common,  but it makes a muck of things pretty much everywhere it occurs. There is good reason why many athletes pray and teams hold devotions. The playing field includes huge pot holes to fall into, but divine help and godly morality really help keep things safe and sane.

“I am innocent,” Floyd has said. “I am not innocent, “Floyd has said.

In the end, perhaps the most appropriate reaction is grief.

Important voices were ignored.

I snapped a photo of the gleaming white concrete steps and glanced upward into the narrowly ascending tile stairs.

How many people had come down those since they were made, stepping slowly so as not to slip, hearts pounding, anticipating the bottom, the backwards fall, the sudden sucked-in breath, the deadly shock?

Only a few hours earlier I had kneeled in the bottom of the pit, the tank, the concrete coffin and pounded away on the floor with a power bar. Paint chips flew everywhere, green paint, yellow paint, white paint. Dropping the bar, I grabbed my paint scraper and pushed it down hard, dragging it across the accumulated crud on the top of the paint and concrete. It screeched along the cold surface like fingers on a chalk board.

What was it? I wasn’t sure? Sediments from the water? Oils from people’s skin? The thin greasy yuck of ten or more generations of yellowing anger, lust, hatred, selfishness and pride? I sanded it, I TSP’ed it, I pounded it again, and it slowly yielded to the onslaught, as it is want to do.

I rose up from my knees thinking, “Jesus may have died for your sins, but somebody eventually will have to clean them off of the bottom of the baptistery.”

The whole experience had been rather unique from the beginning. I thought it would be simple, repaint the old baptistery. It wasn’t.

 Even the trips to the paint store, three trips, had an interesting aura about them. “This paint isn’t really meant to be submerged,” the clerk said, turning the gallon can in his hands.  ”It’s water proof, but … maybe you should go to a pool store.”

At the pool store Mark, the pool expert, added another wrinkle. “You need to bring in a paint chip. I’ll test it to see what kind of paint was on there. Then we can pick a paint that is compatible. Otherwise, it will just peel off.”

But when we pooled the paint chips I brought back, dunking them in three different kinds of solvents, nothing happened. The thick, adamantine pieces stubbornly resisted dissolving in anything. “I think the paint is from the 17th Century,” I quipped. Mark looked nonplussed. But we still didn’t know what we were painting over, just that it was really old, really hard and resistant to solvents. It looked a lot like the peculiar texture of human corruption to me.

Mark wanted to sell me two cans of paint at $90 a gallon and a cleaning kit for $37. I settled for the $59 per gallon epoxy paint after he said that it would probably stick just about as well as the other. I had some TSP and an acid based concrete cleaner  back at the church, down in the basement,  in the old supply room where you can pretty much find anything if you look long enough.

Mark took a long time. He was really slow.  His every movement was in slow motion. He had all day. I didn’t; I fidgeted. Murderous thoughts surfaced in the back of my brain, not compatible with my mission. I chipped away at him in my mind. Why did Mark push the more expensive products? After all and with all due respect, it was for the baptistery! You’d think he’d offer a discount to try to score some points for himself on the side.

Maybe he did. At the register he took 15% off, but I think it was because there was a sale going on. Earlier he had told me he didn’t go to church and that they didn’t give discounts to churches. Other thoughts came to mind. His name is Mark, and his story isn’t over. 

Back at the church, I kneeled again in the baptistery, paint roller in hand, the thick white paint dripping off the cover, onto the floor. The moment was sacred. It was an honor to be in this place. The concrete enclosure had a unique, historical, purposeful presence, like the ancient baptismal tank at the Baptistère Saint-Jean in Poitiers, like San Giovanni in Fonte, the Lateran baptistery built by Constantine in Rome.

But this baptistery is no museum. People will not come to look just to look. This baptistery will receive the devoted ones on this very upcoming Sunday.

They will step down into the rippling water, shining brilliant white, reflecting its new paint. They will stand in the water before their friends, families and God, and they will make their professions of faith in Christ.

They will dive backwards into the water in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit like people have for thousands of years, and they will lie still below the surface, dead to their crud, dead to their old selves, dead to their sin, and they will be lifted up from the watery grave with faces shinning white – new ones, redeemed ones, fresh ones, life-splashed, righteously strong and beautiful ones.

I hope the paint is dry. Otherwise the saints looking on may see an ethereal, white glow on each baptized face and mistake it for a miracle.

No matter, paint in the water or not, this moment will be a miracle, new life springing up in an old baptistery.

 

Grumpify or Gentlize?

Posted: May 21, 2010 in people
Tags: , ,

In college I majored in literature. I love Shakespeare! The verbal density; it is rocket fuel for me. I taught literature at the high school and college levels before switching to people farming,  my current passion. My daughter is now a lit student at the university. I love it.

I’ve traveled to England, spent time in London. This year my daughter will  spend a semester in London studying literature. Cool!

Like produces like.

It’s beautiful; it’s normal; it’s good. It can be a problem.

How?

It’s the problem that occurs if or when we get after people to be like us. It’s fine for people to make a choice to choose to be like another person. It’s not fine when people make a choice to force someone else to be like them.

The problem comes in the form of the criticism, the evaluation, the judgment that expects, that demands, that requires sameness, conformity.

Is this common? You betcha! I hear old people whining about how things aren’t right, how they aren’t the way they used to be. I hear young people who are very ramped up about what they like, and don’t like. They are strong, on the attack, very confident that some things “rock” and some not.

Fine to have preferences, not fine to impose them. “Oh, we don’t do that,” everybody pretty much claims. “It’s not good to force things, right?” 

And yet we do.

Politics, religion, education, business, parenting — so many areas of life take up the sword and hack, hack, hack at people to change, to conform, to measure up.

You hear it, “You can’t trust politians.” Really? All of them? None of them are trying to help us?

If you are a good Christian, then you will … blah, blah, blah. Someone told me recently that all Christians should vote according to a slate a Christian organiztion has published.  Wow! Really? I think God expects each of us to take responsibitity to judge for ourselves what is right or wrong.

Teachers are now, according to some, doing too much teaching to the tests. All teachers? 

The people who lost their homes in the recession were too greedy and unwise and the took bad loans. Wack, wack wack!

Parents are too busy these days to raise their kids.  Smack, smack, smack.

Grumpiness, criticalness, opinions, “my understanding”  often becomes a club. We pound the crap out of people with our thinking, while claiming to merely be making a statement and clarifying our opinion.

Two options present themselves as a person matures: gentlize or grumpify, become gracious and understanding or overgeneralize and become as narrow and mean and dangerous as a switch blade knife.

Like produces like is at its best when it is inspired, at it’s worst when it is whalloped and hacked into another person’s softly developing personality.

Unwise ones get hard. Wise ones mellow and soften as they bump  along through life.

Wise ones? They inspire  the “like” not require it.

Not Negative

Posted: May 16, 2010 in love
Tags: , , ,

I am choosing not to be negative.

A big guy in a cowboy hat came by my office recently asking for money.  He told me a church down the street had just filled his gas tank, and he was wondering what I would do to help him too. I gently told him that I didn’t give out money in situations like his,  but that I would give him some food out of our pantry if he wanted that.

After a little discussion, it seemed he wasn’t interested in the food. We went outside and as he was walking off, he turned back and said, “The Lord told me to tell me you to  repent.”

I was a bit stunned. He kept walking.  But gathering my wits, I called after him, the first and most honest thing that came to mind, “Hey man, that was really weird.”

He just kept striding off, down the sidewalk, then he put both hands in the air and pointing his fingers to the sky shouted, “Praise you Jesus.”

What to do?

I laughed, told others the story and we laughed again. It was really pretty ridiculous. Later, I got to thinking about it, and I decided to repent of everything I could think of that I might have done wrong in the last month. Why not? I probably did need to repent. Don’t we all?

A few days ago, someone bought me flowers to plant. I got some into a pot, but put some aside for later. When I went back to the ones I didn’t plant, they were dead. But the ones I planted and watered are now stunningly beautiful. 

What am I thinking about?

I am thinking about my thriving leaves and blooms, green and white and purple in the pot at my office door.

My cat runs from  me when she sees me downstairs. She thinks I’m going to kill her, just like I did yesterday. I take her upstairs into the bathroom while I shower. She has her own towel that hangs on the door. When I get out of the shower, I put a little water on her back, then fluff her up with her towel.  She wheezes and purrs very loudly, rolling on her back.

Tomorrow, I’ll catch her when she is slinking away from me again, downstairs, and bring her back up to shower with me. I want her to a have a few minutes each day when she doesn’t fear for her life.

Someone refused to do what I asked them to do recently.  It was a good request, a needed step, but they dug in their heals. They put up a defensive shield. The whole thing was rather odd, and it came to me that there was more to the story than I know.

I thought about it, then I thought about how I love this friend. It felt good to remember the love and I put my focus on that.

We always have a choice, to laugh, to forget, to towel the cat, the choice to plant love in a spot where criticism wants to root.  

I’m high on choices.

I am working on choosing to be positive, happy, proactive and loving.

I like myself that way — not negative.

“Let’s  fix up!”

“Why? So we can impress other people?”

“Nope! That’s not the motivation at all.  Come on, let’s get started.”

“I think I’ll pass.”

“Why?”

“Actually, I don’t care what the place looks like. It’s old. It is what it is. And I definitely don’t care anymore what I look like. Look at me. What’s the use. I’ll never look good.”

 “It sounds like you’ve given up.”

“No, I just don’t care about appearances. That’s not important to me anymore.”

“But it is important to you.”

“Why?”

“I think the disarray you are have fallen into is demotivating you and limiting you.”

“How?”

“Well, if you let the body you live in and the places you reside in fall into disrepair and messy neglect, then you are becoming very passive about being influential. You and your body are missing opportunities to inspire yourself and other people!”

“But you don’t get it. I don’t have anything to inspire others with.”

 “I respectfully  disagree. Any time a person, no matter their age or state, brings improvement to themselves or their surroundings, that’s inspiring!  Remodels, repairs, remakes, fixing up — these are highly encouraging to the people who do them and the people who see them.”

“I’m tired.”

“A vision for renewal would energize you!”

“I like a mess.”

“I think that the disorder outside of you is creating feelings of disorder and paralysis inside of you.”

“You’re a neat freak.”

“It’s not about neatness. A new flower garden doesn’t have to be planted in rows. A personal hair style doesn’t have to be hair in a bun. A painted wall doesn’t have to be all one color. A remodeled church doesn’t have to look sterile.”

“Leave me alone.”

“Listen — dirty and broken and neglected is not acceptable. It’s giving up. For God sake, look around you! This all shouts, fix me up. Bring me back. Give me new life. Repurpose me!”

“Are you done.”

“No, but you might be.”

Batman gets it right.  

Alan Grant, Scottish comic book writer, and author of Batman comics in the 1990’s says, “He (Batman) is perhaps the only genuine hero … People say Batman is this dark, vengeance-driven, obsessed character but that’s not Batman to my eyes. That’s just the fuel which drives Batman. The trauma of his parents’ death is what motivates him and forces him to go on, but what makes him Batman is a decision. He took a decision to be a good guy, which is a decision in life not too many people make. He is a self-made character. He didn’t get superpowers, he’s not a cyborg, he made a choice to be what he is. He is motivated by the terrible thing that happened to him when he was a kid, but that’s not the thing that defines his character. What defines his character is the decision to do something.”

And what Batman decides to do is important. He decides to become responsible to protect the people of Gotham City. It’s no easy task.

Gotham is a dark and foreboding metropolis rife with crime, corruption, and urban blight. It is particularly subject to political corruption. The very authorities appointed to guard it, exploit it. The commissioner and the police are often in collusion with the mob or with supervillians to gain more power.

It’s the comics, it’s a fiction; it’s real life; it’s our life.

Most of us live in cities or small towns.  Most of us have been through personal trauma. We eventually see and experience loss, anger, desires for revenge, horror over the evil in what should be our safe places. And most of us live close enough to corruption to note it. We see people caught in the grip of corruption. And then what do we do, with our hurt, with our city’s hurt? What decisions do we make about our cities?

I have sometimes made isolating and selfish decisions. I have chosen to be powerless. It’s not uncommon. It is practically de rigueur in many circles, the expected, acceptable, polite, normal response to do nothing about harm, to do practically nothing to protect anyone. 

How do we do that? We do that when we flee the dark side of our city, barricading ourselves in a  square pile of stuff that we call home. We do that when we reject the parts of the city or the world that we don’t want to see. We do that when we map our routes, our destinations and our vacations so that we don’t drive  or stop or make a place of renewal in the seamy side of Gotham.

Many of us do that; we decide that it isn’t our business, in a million different ways. But there is a better option. We can make the Batman choice. I think for Christians, for people of faith, for people with a conscience, this is the choice we should make. It is the choice to be good. It is the choice to train ourselves to fight evil. It is the choice to protect the people where we live. It is the choice to bring justice to Gotham.

More of us need to be Batman. We need to look at our city and say, “These are my people. I am responsible for the safety of each of them. I see their trouble. I take it into my own hands to fix it. I will protect my people.  That is what I do.”

We aren’t born to this. It is a choice. It is a choice to take responsiblity for our people. To do this we will have to rise up out of indifference and fear and say with anger and love and strength, ” I will now define myself by my decision to do something.”

Think about it.

 

 people who have played the role

Places carry symbolic content.  The content settles. The content changes.

The woods I grew up in the Midwest are a beautiful wild place in my mind — tan deer in  green fields in the late blue evenings, green striped bass hiding under soggy brown tree roots in silver streams we fished in, wild dark brown  morels popping up by decaying black logs in the light green spring, dry oak and elm leaves crunching as I walked through them in the winter, fire flies blinking off and on in the field in front of the house.

The  home in Southern California that my wife and I bought while my children were growing up is in my mind a, safe, clean, cozy, fireplaced refuge —  bedrooms where I pushed little shoes on my babies’ feet,  a tile-countered kitchen where we celebrated their birthday parties with cake and ice cream on bright paper plates, new sidewalks outside on which I walked them to grade school and back, holding their small, sweaty hands tightly. I now rent this home  to someone else. It is their home now. It has changed, but it will always be for me the place where my babies grew into young women.

The church I  attend is an artist’s palate, a old Spanish Revival building that our congregation has committed to repaint, to re-stucco, to redecorate, to re-cabinet, to re-beautify. It has had a tough history during some of its last 30 years,  but it has good DNA too. I was baptized there. I was married there. It is a place of beginnings  for me.  Now it is becoming a  place of giving for me, of doing for other people,  of opening the doors to a new set of people in my life.

The city I live in here in Southern California  used to be  for me a place to drive in, to walk in, to eat in, to shop in, to make friends in, to make a home it. But this has changed. I have lived here a long time. I have both thrived here and I have been broken here. My city has been a safe place; it has been an unsafe place.

 I have seen it change, and I have seen myself change.  I have lived here trying to suck sommething from the ground, trying to add something to myself from the beautiful, master-planned  neighborhood I live in.  That is changing.   I am beginning to want to give something back to my city. I am beginning to have odd feelings concerning my city and the people who live around me. I am beginning to  love the people in my city, and I am starting to take responsibility for them.

I feed them, cloth them, teach them, write for them and I try to  take them under my wing and comfort them. And I try each day to take the people of my city asside and  call beauty out of them.

I am outnumbered. I am small and weak. My limits are extremely obvious.

I am entirely undiscouraged by that.

I embrace today as another day to make a momumental difference here.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.