Aim High

Posted: June 22, 2015 in thriving
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I’m trying to raise roughly $10,000 to take the next step in creating a beautiful space for people. Last week I added up the gifts. They came in at roughly $6,5oo. I’m aiming high, I’m hitting reality.

We all  have hopes, and hopefully some of them are high. I’m for aiming high no matter what we hit.

I have high hopes to know God, I mean really know him, personally, to be like Abraham, God’s friend. We talk, God and I, some, and sometimes I hear him. I’m aiming high; I am hitting reality.

Over the last three to four years I have written about 3,5oo axioms, epigrams, thought proverbs, wisdoms. I am aiming high, attempting to contribute to the store of wisdom in the world, attempting to add to the English language. A couple of people have repeated my lovelies,  a few websites have carried them, I quote myself from time-to-time. I am aiming high, sometimes I fall low, I am hitting reality — with as much wit, pith, drollery, and linguistics unholiness as I can muster.

I am also attempting to lead an old church into a new era, an era of freedom, of creativity, of beauty, of honoring individuals, of knowing God, of healthy relationships. of honesty. It’s fun; it’s a lot of work. We are rebranding, remodeling, re-energizing, refining. We are a re-church in a re-era doing re-theology. We have gained many new people, we have lost some too, to moves, the military, to life. We are aiming high. We are hitting reality.

Here is the deal. Aim at nothing, hit whatever happens to be flying by, or hit nothing, which isn’t actually a hit at all. Aim at something high, a least you have a chance to hit  something that is along the road to high.

I hate giving up, quitting, whining, negativity, low standards, cynicism, criticalness, not aiming, not getting anywhere.

Being negative or being apathetic is so chicken!

I love trying, especially trying hard things, and the apricity that comes to one through pluck, and trying again, and having another go at it, and celebrating the soigné that exists in everyday effort, and the neuroplasticity of the active mind —  eunoia, affirmation, helpfulness.

I love aiming high.

It’s high, even when it’s lower.

Secrecy, Shame and Healing

Posted: June 13, 2015 in healing
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I asked someone recently why they had kept something from me that would have been best to just get out sooner than they eventually did. I assumed it was because they knew that what they were doing was harmful,  but wanted to keep doing it anyway.

That may have been a part  of the motive for the secrecy — the motive of desiring to continue the guilty pleasure — but it wasn’t the main reason.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I finally asked, straight up.

“I was ashamed,” they said.

I can identify. We all keep stuff to ourselves that would be shameful to tell, if nothing else, some of our thoughts. This is normal, protective, even sometimes appropriate.

It’s just that some things need to come out to be recovered from. Some things need the light of day to remove the fear and guilt and shame and anger that remains when they are kept closeted in the dark.

Sharing a shameful thing can be freeing, theraputic, healing, especially if someone who had power over us coerced us into keeping it a secret. By speaking shameful things, we can sometimes defeat them.  By speaking about wrong, we can rob it of some of its power over us.

“There,” we can say when we have said it. “I said it!” It’s out! I don’t have to contain it, house it, let it rot in me, alone, anymore!”

By getting secret stuff out — wrong stuff that really happened — we begin to take control again. By speaking the truth, by refusing to keep dirty-little required secrets, by saying what we did worng or what someone else did wrong, we expose mold to light; we expose disease to medicine, we cure harm. And even more, we recieve the support of those who understand, who have gone through a similar thing, who get us.

Yes, some people will get angry when others speak the truth, some will say it isn’t true even when it is, some will condemn an exposé as being unkind or inappropriate or as showing  unforgiveness or being vengeful. What should we make of that? Well, a vindictive “getting back” at people does sometimes happen, and that can be a harmful thing in itself, certaintly if the things said are not true, but we must be careful not to condemn victims for wanting justice.

When all is said and done on earth,  there will, I believe, have been too many dark secrets, not enough truth, and not enough exposure of abuse and harm. And when people who have done wrong are exposed, the shame  or embarrassment that they experience — they brought that on themselves. Being exposed as harmful is the natural consequence and social punishment for having been harmful.

For those who speak the secret shames others have forced them to keep in the dark — or tell things they have done and themselves have harmfully supressed — I approve of the honesty. Jesus himself advocated honesty saying the truth would set us free, and he predicted that hidden wrong will be exposed, and that what has been whispered in an ear will be shouted from a rooftop.

I applaud the bravery within openness, and I uphold and support everywhere the commitment to take back the parts of our lives that have been stolen from us.

Talking — it’s a shame cure.

Tough!

Posted: June 1, 2015 in difficulty
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This morning I went to the dentist. Her conclusion?

“I’ll see  you next week.”

Once is selddom enough, for anything, so next Monday I will make my fifth visit to her in three weeks.

That’s life; it is seldom one and done. Most things are a process, and that is okay because we get to good places by steps. I’m glad to have dental care. I am glad I can take steps, to have good teeth.

This morning, when I was painting the house, a small branch from a bush near where I was painting got caught in my brush, then sprang away, slapping me upside the face with paint.

I went in the house, washed off the paint, and went back at it. I got more paint on me, but now the house — it looks great!

I advise you to quit infrequently and to give up inconsistently.

Why?

Because life is tough, and so we must be tougher.

My neighbor is in the hospital. His daughter told me this morning they had to cut off some of his toes because of an infection. That’s no fun. It sucks, for him.

But, I expect to see him at home again soon. He is surgery man, one after another, and yet I see him again and again after being cut up, out in the neighborhood, jogging, or walking. And if he can’t walk this time, he can drive the Corvette he has waiting for him in his garage.

Life sucks, and then it doesn’t. There is hard, and then there is good. Get used to it.

If you perish, revive. If you die,  rise from the dead.  Life will kill you many times before it does. I suggest you get used to rising from the dead.

Life is tough.

Be tougher.

…….

For more thought on being tough, check out my proverbs on toughness at http://www.modernproverbs.net

He Is With You When You Are With Him!

Posted: May 31, 2015 in Uncategorized
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Now the Spirit of God came on Azariah the son of Oded, and he went out to meet Asa and said to him, “Listen to me, Asa, and all Judah and Benjamin: the Lord is with you when you are with Him. And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him; but if you forsake Him, He will forsake you.

2 Chronicles 15:1-2

The most amazing, life-changing, power-giving, soul-enhancing relationship in the universe — that would be the relationship we can have with God.

Think about it. If God exists, if  God made the cosmos, if God made the possibility of you, if you really are his offspring, then acknowledging him, knowing him  — that would seem to be super important. If he is all-powerful, and he is all good, then a relationship with him would be more important than any other relationship.

But check this out. A relationship with God is something God has left up to us. According to 2 Chronicles 15: 1-2, those who don’t want him, don’t find him. Those who are not with him, he is not with them. As Pascal has said, God has revealed himself just well enoough that those who want him find him, those who don’t miss him.

Powerful God has decided not to tyrannize us, not to force himself on us, not to demand a relationship with us. A relationship with God — certainly he has initiated this — but there is something core in it that is up to us. Power is in our hands because power has made it that way. Those who reject God because they don’t want to give over control of their lives to God are unaware of the control that he has put in their own hands. God does not want to control us; God wants to empower us to be in control of ourselves, to choose well, to live well and to do good.

If we are with God, then he is with us to empower us to the best life possible. If we are not with God; he is not with us, and we are left with the weakness of our own limits. 2 Chronicles 15:1-2 is a clear statement of human responsibility for the nature of our relationship with God. We have been told the truth by Azariah the son of Oded, just as Asa and Judah and Benjamin were told.

The next move is most definitely, significantly and consequentially up to us.

“Meh” Versus “Wow!”

Posted: May 27, 2015 in transformation
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“She is an interesting person.”

“Meh.”

“What? Really? Do we really want to let our ‘meh’ trump our ‘wow’ when there is evidence to the contrary.

“Meh,” is an exclamation expressing a lack of interest or enthusiasm, as in, “Meh, I’m not impressed.” We say “meh” when we judge something as uninspiring or unexceptional. We are indicating that it doesn’t stand out.

I think we “Meh.” too  much; we “Wow!” not enough.

So many people are “Wow!” but when we stay silent about them we offer the tacit, default, ubiquitous”Meh.”

This is not what is needed, not by any of us. We all need  to be noted as specific, different, particular, unique, valuable and wonderful — because we are.

My advice to our cold and cooling world — “Meh” less, “Wow!” more. It’s encouraging, and nothing is needed quite so much in the world today as encouragement. We all need encouragement; therefore, compliment more. Stop criticism from winning.

Do you yourself need encouragement? Of course  you do! But then you can’t entirely control that, can you? Well, you can excel, and that may bring some support your way — an award — but it just as well might bring jealousy and criticalness to your door.  It is what it is with success — the crowd will “Meh”  or “Wow!” you as they will — but you can control what you give..

Do you want encouragement, then give it. Do you see within yourself the need for affirmaton; that let that inward look show you the need in everyone else too. And let this awareness motivate you to give the ever needed,  “Wow!”  to the people around you. Encourage your family and friends. Compliment strangers. Shock people with deserved affirmations.

It’s too cold in here, let’s warm up the place.

Defeat “Meh,” pomote, “Wow!”

Read, Look, Listen!

Posted: May 25, 2015 in truth
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I just read Winning From Within, by Erica Fox, and The Wright Brothers, by David McCullough, and I’m now reading The Innovators by Walter Isaacson. I’ve also been reading the book of Acts, in the Bible.

Some of my Christian friends don’t read much outside the Bible. This is not the case with me. I am madman for truth, hungry to know as much as I can from whoever I can learn it from. I find that a variety of reading gives a width, depth and height to my store of knowledge.

Is this the Christian way?

Paul quoted the pagan poets; Daniel studied Babylonian literature. Jesus was the great observer of nature, following the way of Solomon, the wisdom sage-scholar. Truth is, in fact, everywhere. God spoke to Moses through a burning bush, he confronted Balaam by means of a donkey, the sun, moon and starts speak for him continually.

Oswald Chambers went so far as to claim, “The man who reads only the Bible does not, as a rule, know it or human life.” That’s a strong claim, but it carries a credible point.  I’ve met people who put themselves forward as knowing the Bible well, and yet who knew so little of the workings of their own hearts that they became harmful in their relationships with others. They would do well to look within, to observe the inner dialogue of their own hearts, to learn about human nature from wide reading, from science, from the study of psychology. In this way they could better understand and help themselves and others.

In Philippians 4:8 Paul writes, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Paul didn’t limit his admonition to seek truth, beauty or justice to the scripture. He said, “whatever is true,” implying wherever you find it.  This is in line with the ancient proverbist himself, who in the book of Proverbs, claims that wisdom cries out from every corner. I find it so.

Recipes for good food, medical information for healing, solutions to computer problems, directions to our next destination, the meaning of unfamiliar words, an understanding of culture, the sciences, the planet — wise ones seek knowledge from many sources.

I urge all my family, friends and followers — read, look, listen.  Sample and test; experiment; draw conclusions.

Know yourself. Know what others think. Know your world. Know God.

Why? Because truth and knowedge and wisdom are the gifts of God, and wise ones seek them everywhere as if they are gold.

Within knowledge lies solution and health and improvement. Within truth lies safety, relationship and the greatest things of all — love and God.

Got it? Get it!

Dibs and Dabs

Posted: May 8, 2015 in clarity, wonders
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Fun is dribs, then some drabs, a call for dibs, a plea for dabs.

The quest for pleasure, the science of pleasure, it’s literature, it’s armamentarium, it’s practice has always been a dab elusive.  The hunt, peck and grab for fun, laughs, parties, happiness, good times — it’s tough hiking.

What do we do, we epicures, we gourmands, we hopeful debauchees?

I have just a few thoughts.

We can let  life’s pleasures come us as they will. 

Why thus and so this way? 

The opposite doesn’t work well. Coerced pleasures, forced joys, over-arranged fun has an artifical, trying-to-hard, unsatisfying flavor to it. Forced eating, forced laughs, forced sex — it’s yuck. 

Mandate pleasure and remain dissatisfied. 

But in contrast, as we relax, choose well, live at peace with our neighbors it seems that pleasure, using the element of surprise, peaks shyly at us from within the mystical realm of the divine ordinary. 

This morning, sitting in the car with my daughter in a parking lot, I was struck by the beauty of the small, pink flowers of a hedge blowing in the rainy wind as I prayed for her to be guided and safe. The beauty in front of me, moving in the storm, was not scripted nor orchestrated by me, not even expected. It was small, momentary, ephemeral — it was peace giving. 

I think of ataraxia, Epicurus’s state of lucid and robust tranquilty. That kind of pleasure, found in peace, seems to me to come from a conscious acceptance of the now, a making friends with reality, a seeing what is, not a forcing of what we want.

Want pleasure? Accept it as it shows up, bobbing in the wind in front of  you.

The other thought I have, meager as it is, perhaps helpful to us, is to be watchful, aware, tuned in, even purposely aligned toward the good and the pleasurable. It may come to us, and we may miss it, if we are not watchful for it. 

There are many whiners in life, in fact they are the majority. They are always looking at what they don’t like. And there is always something not to like, some pain, some health issue, some relational hurt, some slight, some jeaousy, some hate, someone to stumble on and take up arms against. But whiners are unhappy as they focus on the unhappy and so they miss the simple pleasures right in front of them. 

But in contrast, how refreshing it is to be in the presence of those who look for the good, and put their minds on the lovely, humorous, fetching nature of reality. 

In pain they laugh, hurt they help, sick they smile, irritated they keep their mouth shut, hopeful they pray. There is a kind of courageous gorgeousness to those who enjoy and celebrate the good, the pleasurable, the beautiful in a world of evil, pain and ugliness. They focus on the delectable-good. 

Pleasure is intrinsic to life. The enjoyable is everywhere. It is the gift of God. But it is found by those who look for it. Pleasure arises out of our own purposeful awareness of the good gifts of God. Pleasure is something we should keep an eye out for —  not force or mandate. It is something that happens as we watch. It comes to us now and again naturally as we wait expectantly — as the watchmen wait for the morning. 

Today, as it rains, and I write at home alone, my cat has snuggled up to me, keeping warm, seeking companionship, being close. 

It is a small thing, a micro-pleasure, a natural movement. It is a dab. I put the back of my hand on her silky, soft fur. This reassures me all is well. 

 


Love the Process

Posted: May 4, 2015 in transformation
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There are no isolated events, only processes that have gone unnoticed.

I have been thinking about processes lately, and like all of us, living in limbo within them. I am especially attempting to move contentedly within the unfinished sunshine of the linked-up, imbricate, tangential nature of process.

This week, I lived a process, a process of extraction, of annihilation, of removal. Everyday, in my few minutes of extra time — like some kind of deranged serial killer — I chopped small appendages into small pieces with my big loppers, and I sawed big appendages up with my reciprocating saw, and I stuffed them all in the trash for disposal.

Today the evidence disappeared, along with the hedge we had removed, when the trash truck came by, and now, in place of an old overgrown side yard, is my beautifully renewed and glowing side yard filled with flowering shrubs, stone pavers and wooly thyme.

It was a killing — and a vivifying. It was a process. It was a process of removing old thirsty sod and an over grown and entangled hedge and replanting water-saving beauty. I liked it.

Processes are good. They take some guts, often some team work and a good amount of persistence, but they can pay off nicely.

Looking back, redoing the yard was a crazy amount of work, but it was worth it. My wife and I have increased the beauty of our world; we will save water this next year, we applied and will receive a rebate from the water authority to pay for our work, and we have proven yet once again that we are a force, a team, able to transform reality together.

I enjoyed the process, but I am an American, so it was only somewhat enjoyable. I found myself rushing, trying to get through it. In American culture, we do this, and we are too often all about products. We want things done, in hand, fast, perfect.

That’s not reality. Life is a process, few thing are complete in one move, there seem to always exist a set of steps, a sequence or two, an overlap, the shift needed to get it done. And is it ever really done?

I want to get good with processes so I can be good with life. In much of life, the process is the product. The process is in itself meaningful, a kind of good end in itself, not something to simply rush through. Within every process exists hope, expectation, excitement, meaning, change, relationship, teamwork, good.

Good processes, like good relationships, are hard, long, expensive — and gorgeously and meaningfully fulfilling.

Sure, love products. They are fun.

But also, love processes! They are even funner!

…

You can check out the modern proverbs and epigrams that I recently wrote about “process” at http://www.modernproverbs.net

Gone Still Gamey

Posted: April 27, 2015 in recovery, tough
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Pluck, grit, spunk, mettle, fire — we admire it; it’s needed.

I can still remember a few years ago asking for a surgery to correct the damage done by a previous surgery. It took some courage to go there. I didn’t know if it would work, neither did the doctor. We went for it. It did work, over time, time that was constructed out of anxiety, bravery, fear, some loneliness, hope, a good bit of pain and mettle.

When we do the thing that we don’t want to do to get to the place we want to get to we tap into something deep within our human psyche — the will to survive, and thrive.

I remember interviewing once for job, on the phone, from my bedroom, with nothing left inside but the will-power to believe in myself. I had just come through the most breaking emotional experience of my life, and yet, with nothing left, I still had something left. I had me and my faith in God, and guts.

That interview went nowhere, but another one did, and as the result of my tenacity, I now have a highly meaningful, challenging and very rewarding job. I am in a good place, my leadership gifts are in full play, because I had the grit to keep moving.

Gone we can still be gamey, beaten still brave, trashed still tough. God has built a resilience into us. We are endothermic, warmed by the gift of an internal fire.

I have learned this much about difficulty and pass it on to you: If someone aims at you, charge; if they fire, open your mouth; if they hit you spit the bullet out and keep moving. If you are a doormat, get off the floor. If you are high, come back down to earth. If you are plodding through mediocrity — risk.

If God wills it, and you want it, go get it.

Gentle Thoughts About Jealousy

Posted: April 22, 2015 in clarity
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She glanced over at the newly ensconced diamond on the pretty twenty-two year olds hand, and later that evening she took a moment to cry, in the lonely safety of her home. She wanted that.

He glanced down the street to the stoplight and his eyes stopped on the new red Ferrari. He ran his eyes over the curves, the lines, the tail pipes. Later that evening he looked up the price of that model online. He wanted that.

Weddings, cars, houses, jobs, resources, good hair — we want them. Health, safety, influence, love, good calves — we have all been jealous of someone who has more or better or superior goods or looks or personality.

Jealousy is interesting. It is the ugly-step mother everyone has. It is universally hated and universally practiced. Everybody feels some of it, very few if any admit it, because jealousy carries with it shame, self-reproach, and extreme social disapproval.

And yet jealousy is that one ugly family member, that one piece of clothing we just can’t bring ourselves to get rid of.

Why?

There is an intrinsic inner core to our jealousies that finds its existence within our deepest hopes and dreams. Jealousy is a flag waving over a soul in need of something.

Jealous of someone else’s engagement may arise out of desires to be loved, to be someone’s special one. This is so human, so normal, and the core desire in this is not wrong or nasty or evil. We need to be loved, we want to be loved and we should be loved. Jealousy of love tells us we too have this need.

Desire for a home is the same. Jealousy of someone’s nice house may often show that we have a dream within, of living in the shire, of having our own garden to putter in, of having a safe and beautiful castle for ourselves and our cats, a refuge-home from the wild, wild wood and world.

The fast, sleek beautiful car we might admire? There is a universal dream in many of us to launch, to fly, to fly fast and slick and sleek, to turn heads, to go past those slow, cheap, ugly utilitarian vehicles around us. The sports car represents the fulfillment of the dream of being beautiful and free.

All this, so human, so real, so common.

What to do?

Not cheat, fight, hurt, attack, criticize, condemn, hate. That is jealousy’s dark side. Jealousy’s principal temptation is to destroy what we can’t have.

We need to see this. We need to look unflinchingly at our jealousies, and recognize how they might ruin some of our best relationships. Jealousy can lead us to stupidly devalue our friends and turn them into our enemies. It can lead us to the ugly side of human sociality, to gossip, to undermining, to stonewalling, to attacking, to displacing and to destroying other human beings. Not good, not a place of health or quality or goodness.

There are other better options. We can look our jealousies in the eye and admit them. We can honestly admit to jealousy, and then decide not to turn its harmful ways on ourselves or others. We can take a moments to stop comparing ourselves to someone else, and to appreciate where we are, who we are and what we have.

And we can be gentle with our jealousies, and employ them, to understand our fragile, needy persons. Within our jealousies often lie the hopes and dreams of our souls.

These dreams need to be discovered to that we can begin to find realistic and legitimate and custom-made ways to fulfill them, to go out and get what our souls need.

The antidote to jealousy is found in the beautiful ensoulment provided by contentment, self-care and self-advocacy. The antidote to jealousy is found in the divine imperative to live within what God has allowed, given, graced, opened and provided. This is rich. Grace is always rich. There is and always will be enough for the soul aligned.

Are you jealous? So am I.

Then together, let us admit this, and with gentle love for others, and gentle self-care for our own souls, trust in what has been allowed, and with insight and understanding launch the warrior, lover, thinker and dreamer within to go out into the wide-wild world and wood to find the gorgeous safety, beauty and love we need.

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