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On Being Alone

The other day, when I went to  the zoo, I noticed a lot of clumping, swarming and clustering.

The Harpy Eagle was happily hanging out at the entrance with his trainer and a whole crowd of gawkers, the Flamingos were squawking it up together around the pool, the fish in the  snapping turtle pool seemed to be clumping together for safety and the gorillas were all clustered up within 15 feet of each other, despite their huge, grassy, multi-storied, multi-waterfalled home.

What is that about?

A few nights ago when I went to bed, the same kind of  swarming together and hanging-out-close seemed to be going on,  so  I closed and latched my bedroom door so I might get some sleep.

It was a good thing. At 1 am they tried to break in and then again at 3 am I heard them banging on the door. But I held my ground, and as a result got some sleep. I know why they wanted in. They wanted my body, it’s warmth. because they are little and thermophilic and cold at night.

When I got up they were still by the door — my two cats, hungry for company, heat and love and … cat chow.

The creatures seem to not to want to be too much alone.

More and more people are living alone these days, however, partiularly in urban areas. Eric Klinenberg, in his new book,  Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, reports that in recent years, particularly since the 1950′s, solo living has grown, and it has grown most  in countries with booming economies: China, India, and Brazil. The US is lagging in this going-it-alone stuff,  but more people live alone in the United States than ever before, 28 per cent of all households, about 31 million people.

Studies on living alone have found that women, in contrast to men,  are more likely to have strong social networks, and that this enables them to live alone without being alone. Men, living alone, are more at risk of withdrawing into isolation that, in the extreme, can make them very unhappy and that can even be dangerous for them.

According to a Finnish study, “Living alone is associated with an increased risk of alcohol-related mortality — from alcohol-related diseases and accidents.”

It can be fine to live alone, but I think that for most of us, it is not fine to be too much alone. Household practices are changing, but not our core need for clumping.

This is particularly true when we move from our family of orgin to whatever we design next.

I remember in my college years, driving places alone, talking to myself in the car and  saying stuff like, “I need more than me, here…” The loneliness in the front of the car was palpable. It felt like cold, dark  water running through the bottom of a deep cave.

I find the desire for human warmth to be quite universal.

I spoke to a homeless man a while back, “What is hardest about being homeless?” I asked.

“The loneliness,” he said.  “I just need someone to talk to.”

It seems like, no matter how we choose to live, we can’t get away from it — the need for clumping and swarming. It’s weird, almost like we were wired for this, like God himself wired a social port into us. Perhaps it feels like that because …  that’s the way it is.

In the beginning of the beginning of the very beginning it was said, “It is not good … to be alone.”

I’ve been thinking a bit about that, and I think that perhaps it is one of the vast accomplishments of life to understand what exists that will never not exist and then to act accordingly.

We are inveterately, undeniably, intrincically social.

So what’s next?

 

Devastating Beauty

The Artist played out in front of us as low light jazzy music filled in the large room and  black and white images flickered on the screen. There were no voices in the filled theatre – except mine.

I  whispered the title cards to Rosalind, seated close beside me, as they came up on the screen. Like the silent actors on the screen that we watched, she said nothing.

Half-way through the film, a youngish man seated in the aisle across from us said loudly in our direction, “Be quiet; you’re ruining it for everyone!”

Rosalind’s head came up, and looking aggressively toward him, she called out loudly, “Shut up, ”shouting out her rebuke with just as much if not more much pain than was present in the filmed narrative streaming in front of us.

At that point, with that cry into the dark room, the pain in the film jumped off the screen  and entered the audience.

Rosalind, as if shot,  slumped down in her seat and broke, sobbing. You could hear her soft cries through the theatre. I could feel her head and her warm tears on my chest and then I could see over the top of her head,  faces turning in our direction.

She cried, I held her. It wasn’t over.  From across the isle a man jumped to his feet, and suddenly he was there standing over us.

“I’m so sorry!” he said, “I’m so sorry!”

“Go away,” cried Rosalind up toward him, “Go away,” and she hid her face in my arm.

He lingered just a moment and then rushed out of the theatre. A few minutes later, another young man seated beside him got up, and left also. I was sorry for him. He missed the point of the film because he didn’t understand what was going and left too early to get in all figured out.

Rosalind’s cries softened. We didn’t leave, although for a moment, I thought of it.

We’ve learned to stay.

It  won’t go away, it won’t really ever go away,  and  besides, there was a movie to be watched and finished and more title cards to be read, although more softly now, with my mouth right up to Rosalind’s face, my warm breath warm on her ear, my arm around her shoulder.

Rosalind and I finished the film, together,  and laughed and danced over the final redemptive Singing-In-The-Rain tap dance of the artist and his partner, Peppy.  We loved it.  The artist didn’t quit! He didn’t commit suicide. The artist, with help from a friend made a come-back!

I learned something. I need to be more careful in silent films.

Not everyone is ready yet for talkies.

Red

I clearly remember the moment I first  took responsibility for the earth.

It was the day I found big Red. He was a mangy male on the plus side of the scale, lots of ginger hair with some facial scars that belied his kick-back personality.

When I found Red, wandering, I drug him home with me, his forelegs hanging over both my arms, his stiff ears brushing the underside of my chin,  his back legs and tail bumping along on the ground behind.

My mom let me keep him, but he was pretty much confined to outside, where he wanted to be anyway, just in case there was a chance to mix it up with the feline cuties flirting in the neighborhood.

To get a sense of Red, you must understand something: He was so large and prowlish that when he was out and about, mothers pulled their small children back inside the house.

I was very, very proud of Red; his homecoming put me in a God-like category.

Genesis 1:26 states rather underwhelmingly that in the amazing and astonishing beginning of the very beginning of us, God said, “Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature so they can be responsible … “

And then, in perhaps the greatest omission in world literature, the text goes on to say, “for the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, the cattle, and, yes, earth itself, and every animal that moves on the face of Earth.” In other words, for Red.

The author, seemingly unawares, blithely glosses over the emotional reaction — an unbelievable ellipses! Upon creation of beings like himself, God must have jumped up and down, waved his arms and  hooted! Adam and Eve must have screamed with pure delight. The animals must have jumped into a celebration chorus so raucous and joyful that it forever upstaged any and all imitative, animated, Disney-movie hit tunes!

What? The emotional response to creation was not mentioned? Perhaps, it was shockingly lost in the Hebrew oral tradition, or perhaps Moses thought he couldn’t do it linguistic justice.

But the effect wasn’t lost. According to the record, Adam and Eve jumped right into the forray and started happily naming things. With all the acumen of a Carl Linnaeus they classified the marvelous creatures they were  now wonderfully “responsible” for.

Cool! They acted out the DNA of God. They named, they brought home, they cared for — Red!

To care for the creation, to name it, feed it, pet it and bring it home with us– this is the image of God in us. The image of God is reflected in human responsibility for creatures. The sacred text itself says, God made us like him, so we could be responsible.

And in a damaged world and a broken creation, it is certainly the most God-like thing we can do to find lost creatures and to bring them home and care for them.

Want to be God-like?

Feed the dog.

Bring home a lost  humanoid too.

Ordering Disorder

Around him sat at least 15 open paint cans, a half-dozen paint trays half-full of paint and a good 20 rollers and brushes with paint hardening at the edges.

He looked up at me from the mess, smiled wryly and said, “It would have been a lot easier to do it myself with a paint gun and one helper.

This was what the end of a church painting project at a campground in Mexico.  About 20 people had been recruited, transported, armed with paint “weapons” and turned loose on a couple of now shinning buildings. It worked — kind of.

It’s typical. The  end of most attempts to order the earth have a behind-the-scenes disorder to them.  It’s called clean-up.

Last week, I got out the ladder, and took down the Christmas lights. There was a pile on the lawn, then a pile in the box, then Christmas was again on the top shelf of the garage.

Life is a lot about the clean up, about ordering the disorder created in our attempts to bring about order.

I talked to someone yesterday who is in need of redoing their taxes, in a better way, a more orderly, honest way. They told me that they  have a sense of an era closing. They simply aren’t going to cut corners they used to cut. A new definition of what’s orderly has inspired them and a mess is going to be cleaned up, as best it can be cleaned up.

Paint rollers, taxes, Christmas decorations, the kitchen sink, our minds, our hearts – all need attention, ordering. To leave them as they are is to complicate the future. To order them is to bring about the next thing, to provide an opportunity for something new to happen.

I just cleaned out my clothes closet in my bedroom. Some of the shirts and pants that I had not that long ago bought, placed in my closet, wore, washed and returned to the closet  were now tossed in a box to be donated, in order to restore order to my closet. Some of them, I just wasn’t wearing anymore and they were complicating and hiding the clothes I am wearing.

When I finished, I felt ready, for this year and I felt something else. I felt calm.

Isaiah the Jewish  prophet,  claimed that the effect of being right and doing the right thing is peace.

Order equals calm. I like it,  calm, a sense that for the moment things are okay.

What’s next? We decide, what to do with disorder in our lives.

A good plan for any chaos or mess  might look like the following:

First an ordering of the disorder, then calm.

The garage.

The closet.

The past.

A broken relationship.

A mental confusion.

The inner-most closet of the heart  — think cleanup.

 

beginnings

What could make you so excited that if you began

it you could hardly wait to get up in the morning to complete it?

Do that!

I like uninhibited short people who enjoy being told a good story.

This week at a party I sat down with Abigail, my nephew’s daughter, and invented a story for her. Abigail is six. Oddly enough the little girl in the story that I told her was six, and had a dog named Obi, and strangely enough Abigail herself has a dog named Obi, named after Obi Wan Kenobi.

Abigail sat still beside me and listened intently. She loved it when Obi went out on  a bike ride with her, riding his “platform bike,” which her dad had invented for him, and Abigail loved it, when after Obi’s disastrous bike crash, he was comforted at home with chicken nuggets that looked like dinosaurs. Chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs are her favorite food.

Later, at the party, I found Abigail’s dad,  Roger, and  outlined the story to him, how Obi, the adventuresome dog, rode a “platform bike,” and crashed and was dramatically rescued by him from the sewer under the street. Then and there I and gave Roger some pointers on the next installments of the story so he could continue it, if he wanted . The next thing, I think for Obi, the adventure dog to do, is to enter a bike race. After all Roger owns a bike show and has himself raced competitively.

It’s all about timing, when you race, and when you tell little girls stories about racing dogs.  Being in the right place at the right time with the right information and “bingo,” a good time is had by two!

When I was in Brazil a few years ago, I told the leaders I was working with that I thought that in institutions such as churches and schools, children should be treated as the entrée, the main course and  the absolute, riveting, uncompromising center of it all.  I believe that, and practice it.  I believe that children should never be babysat or watched; they should be engaged, challenged, centered on and introduced to new things — dogs that ride bikes and such.

I came home from the Brazil  sick and weary of not saying enough about the value of children,  and so I wrote an article on children and spirituality that was published in a magazine for people who thought the same thing. It lobbied for creating super-meaningful experiences for kids.

I’m still all over this. In the beginning, we must teach children to begin thinking creatively or they’ll grow up to be adults who are blindly fascinated with the same thing, over and over and over and over again.

Know a child?

Then begin a beginning.

Are you a child?

Yes,  you are, even if you are an adult  you are still a child in some deep and mysterious cabinet of wonders within the psyche that exists hidden in your child-like psyche? Yes, you all are, children!

And because I love you, I want to encourage you, to begin beginning what you have in your heart to begin.

Think about it.

If you don’t begin a new story, and tell it to someone else, then how will you ever end that story so you can begin another one and tell it to another one who is so much like yourself.

So, just begin it and keep going on from there —  together.

You’ll like that!

Strike While the Stress Is Hot!

Stress is up.

It’s December. Research shows that 75 % of us feel good feelings during the Christmas season, love and happiness, but the research also predicts more stress.

Shopping, traffic, financial pressures and family expectations allow stress to  rule most of us at Christmas time.

It’s been noted that  women, in particular, feel a responsibility to make everyone happy during the holidays. And the poor, as the world shops,  are made painfully aware of their lack. People who have social anxiety, and that would be almost all of us, have more anxiety as work, family and church holiday events increase.

Perhaps only children, and students, on break, relax more in December, but that would be after finals, not before. My children will be home, and I’ll love it, but that won’t make the house more peaceful.

Christmas equals more stress.

It’s never been different. The birth of Jesus was full of stress. His parents traveled, stress. They hit traffic, in Bethlehem, stress. Mary gave birth to Jesus in a cave and laid him in a feeding trough, stress. The shepherds saw angels, stress. They were terrified, a form of stress.  Later King Herod tried to kill Jesus — major stress!

God entered the stressed world stressed. The incarnation, Christmas, was and remains intrinsically stressful.

What to do?

Of course, it’s smart to find some way to relax during the holidays. Heart attacks rise, and there are ways to keep from being a Christmas statistic. To thine own self be gentle, and at peace. Take a walk, better yet, take a run.

And consider the good uses of stress.

The birth of Jesus was full of stress, so also the birth of every great thing. Every book written, play acted, song sung for others, meal prepared, wrong righted, person rescued has stress in it.

No good is done without stress, so this Christmas get stressed. To love a difficult friend or family member this December may well  require stress.

To be social, with family, work associates, church family, will include more stress. Do it and you will be better for it, and so will they.  Prestressed concrete is like a person who risks and acts — stronger.

Stress may kill, a few things that need killing this year  – apathy, indifference, isolationism and selfishness.

This Christmas step up and strike while the stress is hot.

 

You’ll find more insights about stress at www.modernproverbs.net

Feedback on the Sweetwater Marsh Fable

Dear readers,

For you who have read Sweetwater, the marsh fable posted on this blog, I’d like  some feedback.

This was a first draft; my plan is to do a rewrite of the whole story in the new year.

It would help to have your thoughts on how to improve it.

1. In this first draft, I know the characters are not adequately developed. I’m just getting to know them myself.  What are your suggestions here. Which characters did you like, who do you want to know more about? What might be a better name for Sara? What role should the innkeeper play?

2. The setting is a character. The wind, rain and sun represent God, the trinity. Did you catch that?

3. There is a lot of physical description, say the “Sunset Revelations” chapter or “Night Sky.”  Does that work for you or is it boring?  Do you like it when the setting speaks, trees, soil, sun, oxygen?

4.  Does a theme, a compelling idea come through. What do you think it is?

5. I now think the story is for adults, not children.  Perhaps this really isn’t a kid’s story. The little bit of cute, doesn’t seem to work. Thoughts on this? Maybe this is meant to be  a philosophical fable for people who like ideas and love nature. What do you think?

6. What worked? What’s good? What doesn’t work for you?

Thanks! You can email a response to me at  rhasper@cox.net or you can simply added comments on the blog.

Randy

Chapter 20, Renewal

This is the final chapter of the salt marsh fable, Sweetwater, written for your astonishment and delight.

 You can access previous chapters in the menu to the right on this blog, Thrive.

That evening a high pressure moved in from the north and the sky cleared. The earth turned toward the east. The sun skipped to the west, saw the sea and sighed lovingly.

“Come to me,” said the sun.

“Catch me,” said the sea.

And catch the sea the sun did. Picking up the soft, blue sheet, the sun pulled the sea over its head. Then, the golden light peeked back out of the bed covers and gave the sea a green wink.

“So there, and there and there,” said the sun,  and kissed the sea, the bay, the marsh and the uplands goodnight.

But the sun was still awake, and childishly playful,  it cast a warm yellow glow into the fading day. It lit a thin crescent moon that had been hiding all day close to its side, but now was left dawdling by itself over the sea.

The sun cast itself with brilliant intensity on the back side of the moon. The thin, knife-like edge of the  brightened moon floated down to the sea, as the sky darkened and darkened and darkened yet again.

Though it could not be seen from the marsh, the sun  tossed a full-portion of itself upon the backside of the earth and this brilliance bounced off of the blue planet and landed on the face of the moon, extending its light beyond the crescent. On the full orb of the moon, a soft, yellow glow lit the lunar mountains, the sea-like plains and all the circular craters.

The moon, now deeply enmeshed with the sun in its diurnal dance, lingered briefly in the evening sky, showing off the reflected glory. But the time had come for the  thin bowl of light to bid goodby to the earth

“Good bye,” said the moon, and  flew under the watery bed covers of the sea to give way to the glittering hosts of the night.

The sky, in defiance of the city, turned dark and beautiful, blue-black at the zenith, diamonds in its hair. Leo rose up out of the west,  attending Jupiter, escorting Virgo, prominading through the heavens. The night passed in starry splendor over the sea, the marsh and the little butterflies sleeping in a tattered corner in the uplands.

As morning approached, Leo set where the sun had fallen into the sea the night before, and the northern cross , with arms spread, rose up from where the sun would rise.

Then morning came again, and the sun ascended, a great roaring fire in the east.

The desert woke, Octotillo flaming, the moutains too, oaks resplendant.

The oxygen in the air shyly greeted the hydrogen and they kissed.

The nitrogen came alive in the heat and ran circles above the ground

The volcanic ash danced with star-dust and took up a waltz with the flotsam and jetsam of life, riding on the wind.

“Dance with me,” each one called out and they danced, bits and pieces of the earth  spinning across the earth.

Down in the depths of the ground, the aquafir responded to the spinning earth and shook hands with the shells and the sandstone there, dreaming of huge columns and grand entablatures.

Out on the mesas, the great flat flat floors to the north, the fairy shrimp darted through the vernal pools that only weeks before had been dry dust. Looking up at the bright sun shinning down into their thin, watery worlds, the shrimp floated on their backs and  called out gently, “Its enough for us today. It is so much more than enough of enough for us. We don’t  need or ask for anything more than this!” And then mesa mint, growing along side of the pools, put on her fragrance and waltz across the measa perfuming the air.

Up on the tops of the bluffs to the northwest, above the sculpted wind caves of Torrey Pines, reposing on the soft green skin of the earth, the lacy yellow filaree, the lovely purple sand verbena and the golden sunflowers sunbathed.  The gorgeous orange California poppies lifted their faces to the deep blue sky.

“We love you!” the poppies called out to the sky. “It’s enough! We swear it!”

The wind kissed the flowers. They ducked awasy; they popped forward again, they paused, the sun kissed them again; they smiled. Down in the blue-green waters of the sea, far below the poppies,  the bright orange and lumenescent blue Garibaldi washed back and forth in the lush surf grass.

“Dance,” the Garabaldi said.

“We dance,” the poppies said,  and the splotches of bright orange under the blue sky moved  with the splotches of bright orange down under the blue sea.

And to all this, and more, Professor Cabbage awoke early in the tiny patch of tattered mustard he and his students had perched in for the night,  a tiny bit of his lab that remained at the south edge of the uplands. He flew to the top, and  looked north.

“My little students,” he cried out excitedly, “Get up! Look!”

The sea, with the sun attending it,  was running into the marsh.

The water had already crossed the mud flats and begun to run into the small ditch that followed the route of the railroad tracks.

“It’s coming for us,” said the sleepers.

“It’s good,” shouted the dirt.

“It’s alive!” shouted the professor to his students, and out of the patch of mustards he flew, and all his little students flew with him, powering fast and hard toward the water  and light that was running quickly toward them.

Cabbage scouted the area ahead of them as they flew, looking for a perch, a tower, a turret, an entablature to watch from. Then he saw what he hadn’t seen the day before. Not all the plants had flown.

“There,” he shouted,  ”a little patch of salt wort.”

“There,” Peter called, catching on, “a bit of pickleweed at the edge of the pond!”

“Fennel!”shouted Coco, seeing patch of it at the edge of the tracks.

The butterflies flew to it.

As they lit, there was Professor Swallowtail, with all his students, looking out toward the marsh.

“Henri!” cried Swallow, “You live!”

“I do,” and fortunately you too,” said Professor Cabbage, with his students settling around him.

Along the beaches in Coronado, the surf was large, storm surf, make a wild, heavy dash for the shore. Huge swells, like great whales, powered into the beaches. The waves rose up and opened their great, dark mouths and then crashed their white teeth together on the land

The sea raised up; there was a great crack followed by a low, approaching roar and a finishing gurgly slosh, a soft swish and a light fizz as the bubbles arrived on the sand, softly popping.

“Devastation comes from what is within,” said Cabbage very quietly, “but newness, it is from without.” But the butterflies were too focused on what they were seeing to hear what he was saying.

They were fixated on the tide flowing, and in all the marsh now, the tide flowed in fast, running hard across the mud. The water was alive. It picked up the broken bits of dead plants and lifted them to the sky. Here and there a yellow or white daisy floated on the surface of the water. They tide came further in and it ran into the dry cracks of the earth. It shook hands with a bit of pickleweed that had not flown. It gently submerged a bit of salt grass lining the creek bank.

The water, sweet and nourishing, gave places for life where only moments before there had been none.

Small top smelt darted in among the stalks and stems of the newly created submarine forest. The little swimmers glided over the salt marsh floor where only moments before their had been dry dirt.

“Swimming now, over the dirt,” they called happily to each other.

“What is it, Professor Cabbage?” asked Professor Swallowtail.

There was along pause, then Cabbage mused, “We don’t know something different; we are something different.”

“Not doubt about that,” said Swallow, and he looked around at all his students. They were sitting together with Cabbage’s students, looking toward the sea.

“Yet the same,” said Professor Cabbage.

“It’s not the same,” said the innkeeper worm  from within his mud burrow in the tidal creek. “It’s not the same as when Cabrillo sailed into the bay.”

“Then wait,” said Cabbage. “Good things happen inside of us when we wait.”

“I’m getting old,” said the innkeeper, “waiting.”

“Maybe you’re waiting for the wrong thing,” said Cabbage.

The tidal creek rose. A sting ray, its wings undulating gently, glided through the shallow, salty water. The creek deepened. A small leopard shark weaved its way into the marsh. A Greater Egret landed on the shore of the creek, eyes eager, neck ready. The hunt was on. His long legs and yellow boots dripping, he flared up into the sky, like Orion the hunter, and then fell into the salt creek, neck curved, bill poised. He struck the water with his feathery, white head. A large fish, suddenly appeared in his bill, fresh and silvery, flopping bread of water, sun and wind.

The butterflies watched and watched. They couldn’t see enough.

“It’s small,” said Sara, gazing over the Sweetwater marsh, “like us.”

Behind them, Melodia also watched, sitting at the eastern edge of the water, perched on the limb of a fallen Tamarisk tree. This looked familar to her, and she thought of the dream she had once had of the water, coming in, and floating her palm tree away.

Professor Cabbage felt her presence and looked back and saw her, a small gray spot of mockingbird sitting there at the edge of the water. She didn’t seem far away to him, but he said nothing to the others.

He looked over at Coco, sitting close to him. She was very close, the distance between them seemed to be hardly any distance at all. He looked as her crinkled wing.

“It didn’t keep anything from happening that was supposed to happen,” he said.

“What was that, Henri?” said Professor Swallow. “Have you taken to esoteric mutterings again?”

The water came in, and it kept coming and coming. What had only moments before been mud flats and fields of devastation, simplified into huge, glassy sheets of water. This soothed Melodia. It calmed the butterflies. It soothed all the watching earth.

“We are coming,” said the water, “We are coming in now!”

“Come in,” cried the fairy shrimp out on the mesa.

“You’re wecome here,” said the pickleweed under the water. “We both invite and welcome you here.”

“Come,” said the sun to the sea and the wind.

The marsh  opened her gates to the sea and the sea came in,  patted down, shaken together and running over, and the wind ran across the waters, leaving footprints everywhere.

Cabbage looked out as far as he could see, and in that moment, he could see only a watery, airy and shinning world.

Chapter 19, Aftermath

This is chapter 19 of a marsh fable, Sweetwater, which I am writing for you. It’s a story for wise children and curious adults.

I’m writing this adventure to help you to develop an astonishment for life, to help you travel further, and to help you thrive more.  If you haven’t been reading, I’m posting a new chapter ever so often.  You can begin with chapters 1-18 by clicking on them under “what’s new” on this blog.

Professor Cabbage spent the night, for the first time in his life, outside of his living laboratory. He roosted in a hibiscus bush in a yard in the city.  The night went by fitfully. He awoke was a start, an ache in side and images of plant war in his mind.  A hopelessness seemed to hang over the earth like a fog.

Indeed, a heavy marine layer covered the city. Morning came with a vague, generalized light, diffused. The world was gray.

He looked himself over. He was gray. He was a Cabbage white, but now he seemed more gray than white. He thought of the mockingbirds. They also were gray. He wondered what had happen last night to all his little students, and to Professor Swallowtail and his students too. He felt afraid. There was nothing to do but look.

Cabbage flew out off the yard. He was unsteady, because of his notches, but he was able to fly, and he made his way across the city and over the freeway. As he approached the uplands, he stained to see what was ahead in the fog.

It was a  nightmare come true. He pulled up in the air. A low groan escaped him. It was as if the uplands and the marsh  had been bombed. He looked around for somewhere to land. A bit to the north, he spotted a Tamarisk tree lying on its side, some limbs sticking into the air. He few to it, and landed there. It’s branches were as leafless as a tree in winter. Its trunk was splintered and broken.

He looked out toward the bay. He  felt disoriented. All the old landmarks were gone. Before him was a fast, flat plane, with little sticking up from it. Before him, only a fibrous litter. The great, Gothic fennels, the warm and cozy mustard, the shining fields of yellow and white daisies — all gone. The pickle week, the salt grass, the Sea Lavenders, the spiky cord grass — gone. A mass of litter on the ground.

“After devastation,” thought Cabbage, “the oddest thing is to see a  place that you knew as pointy, spiraled, storied –  flat. It it a difficult thing,” he mused, “to not be able to say precisely where ones home is.”

“It was over there,” said Cabbage, to no one,  pointing to the rubble, “I think.”

Cabbage flew, but he was bewildered. He landed on the ground, beside a broken fennel. It was broken and limp The plant was still alive, its roots partially in the ground. Cabbage wondered if had been packed by the dirt after it had fallen, a futile but unyielding effort not to lose it all.

Cabbage inspected the fennel. It’s lovely yellow flowers were all beaten off; It branching architecture broken; its arches and pillars and entablatures crushed. It seemed, without fragrance.

Such was the professor’s morning. He went from plant after plant, bending over each one, calling it by its name, looking for signs of life. But where he found a spark of life left, he also found a fierce and dying anger.

“You are calling me out of my name,” one of the crushed but still living fennels insisted. The professor looked out over her length. There was a small annise swallowtail butterfly caterpillar on one of her remaining branches, looking dry, looking lost. The professor sighed very deeply.

He flew to a mustard. He spoke her name.”You have no idea who you are addressing!” she said with great indignation.

He ventured further in, approaching the uplands. There, he spied the very Sea Lavender that he had only a few days before sat into speak with the innkeeper worm. It was on its side, roots exposed. He was sure he knew this plant, but when he said to her, “I know you,” she hissed back, “I have never seen you in my life.”

Cabbage wept.

And then he heard their voices, and suddenly his students, Sara, Peter, Coco, Cleopatra, Blue and also the newly added Red Admiral, were all around him.

“Professor,” Sara enthused, throwing herself on him. The other followed until there was a pile of wings on the ground, all waving back and forth and patting and hugging and yelling, “It’s him! Professor! We thought we had lost you! We found him! You’re  okay.”

The butterflies untangled and sat around the professor in a circle, glowing.

“My little students,” he began, “I can’t tell you how good it is to see you again. I love you, each one, and I am so glad your survived,” he pause, and then added, “the rebellion.”

“Rebellion?” said Coco looking around, “what’s that?”

They all looked at the professor.

He looked over their heads. He gestured to the devastation, the dead and dying plants that surrounded them and he said carefully, “This was personal.”

“It’s horrible,” said Sara. “It breaks my heart to see them like this.”

“It is important in life,” said the professor, “for our emotions to match the circumstances. Sara, yours match perfectly. The appropriate response to devastation is grief.”

“What’s grief?” asked Coco.

“Grief is crying when we need to cry,” said the professor.

“But I’m not crying,” said Coco. “Give it time,” said the professor.

“I’m not sad,” said Peter, “I’m mad!” He looked at the professor to see what he would say.

A light breeze sprung up and the butterflies blew sideways for a moment. They adjusted themselves, pointing toward the bay, taking the wind head on now.

“Me too,” Peter said Cabbage, “I am angry too. This should never have happened. It’s unacceptable.”

“Who caused this?” asked Peter angrily, looking out on all the ruined plants.

“It’s  the innkeepers work!” said Sara. “It was his plan to destroy the present in order to recreate the past.”

“But what about what the dirt said?” asked Blue. “The dirt thought the high salinity levels were forcing the plants out.”

“I always thought Swallow caused this,” said Peter.  ”He was trying to keep things in their places, making categories, rules. No one liked that. Maybe the plants just couldn’t take it anymore They wanted to be free from the ground, like us.”

There was a pause, then the Red Admiral said cautiously, ” Professor Swallow told everyone that it was your fault, Professor Cabbage. He said that  you were giving the plants the idea that they could become birds. He said that when you started trying to form connections between the differing species, you were resisting the natural order of things. He told us to stay away from you. He said it would turn out badly.”

“What was it, Professor?” called out Cleo in anguish. Then with a terrible look, she said,”I caused it!”

“No, you didn’t!” said Coco. “You’re nice.”

“But you remember my first flight — Sara, Peter. I showed off!”

“I know,” said Sara. “Somebody had something to show off!” looking at Cleo’s beautiful wings, then at her own plain ones.

“Oh, you did too Sara,” said Cleo, “Yu’ve got wings; we all do and the plants don’t. It was so fun to fly, for the first time! Maybe I made the  plants  jealous!”

“Wait a moment,” said Cabbage, ”There are many forces at work in these terrible events. Perhaps we all had a part in this. I’m sorry for mine, and yet,  it is my belief, and I have tried to teach you this before, that the explanations for  behavior must never leave out personal responsiblity. The plants must own this too. “

“What does that mean?” said Coco to Sara.

“They did this to themselves,” said Sara.

“We are all influenced” said the professor, “but ultimately we all choose.”

“What kind of crazy world is this?” cried Peter, “where things can choose to destroy themselves?”

They all looked over into the water of the tidal creek. The wind was walking on the water now; they could see his crinkly footprints. They looked down into the creek where the innkeeper lived.

“Is he still there?” asked Sara.

“Of course he is,” said Cabbage, “but now we know what is going to happen.”

“What’s going to happen?” asked Coco.

“What has happened before,” said the professor.

They flew. The professor led the way, but it was not a zigzagged way. He reeled across the marsh and into the uplands. His little students followed him, as they always had.

He looked down. “Where are my precious, precious eggs now?” he groaned. “Some did choose for others! All those precious, helpless, nameless, little lives!”

A storm of thoughts and emotions swept over him like a wave, arriving and crashing on his little devastated beach.

He called out, “The stupid, hateful, purposefulness of it, the blinded, crippled deafness of it, the self-destructive, annihilating viciousness of it.”

He flew and he burned.  He said, “I hate the lack of love in this!”

Suddenly, flying with his little family, flying over his once living laboratory, which was now largely dead, he was revolted, incensed, outraged. This death was his own death. He  flew over the destruction and death below him, pounding the air with his wings. He felt a great aching for the living world. “Life promised so much, and then this!”

Each wing beat, each pounding of the air, each push up and out of the uplands seem to shout to him now, “Who are we? And what have we done? And what has it all come to?”

Then the sun said, “Yes.”

And the wind said, Soon.”

And the water said, “More.”

And he knew then the professor,  and each one of his little students knew, this wasn’t the end.

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